Thursday, April 12, 2012

Means to an end.

A friend recently commented that we have differing views of childbirth, in that she viewed it as a "necessary evil". A means to an end. (She is planning a hospital birth with epidural.) The funny thing is, I totally agree with her. I mean, I think I come across in the blog as someone who believes that every woman should have a natural childbirth and love laboring and pushing the baby out. Or as someone who thinks that women can't be complete if they choose to forgo the primal birth experience.

I am here to tell you folks, nothing could be further from the truth. I am not a fan of pain. I think that medical advancements like epidurals and c-sections are miracles and save lives when used properly. I need look no further than my son and my own mirror for evidence of that. What I think is that those things are overused, to the detriment of the women and babies they were originally designed to be helping and saving. Everything worth having has a cost. The price of admission to motherhood is labor and delivery. There is no getting around that.

Epidurals are great in that they dull and/or eradicate the pain of contractions and pushing. But that has a price too. It's hard on babies, makes bonding and breastfeeding more difficult because it makes the babies groggy for longer, and it seriously increases your risk of complications, like severe tearing and c-section. I have tried to push a baby out while under the influence of an epidural. Let me tell you: it was a purely theoretical exercise. I could feel nothing. The doctor, nurse and midwives had to tell me when a contraction was starting. They had to instruct me on how to push because I had no sensation below my chest. You think it's something you should know how to do instinctively, but honestly, I felt like I was paralyzed. I felt like I was trying to push with all my might but I wasn't able to control the muscles. It was weird. And if I had pushed my baby out that way? I would have had no physical feedback to tell me to slow down or to hurry. I imagine I would have had significant tearing had my son been born that way.

I'll be frank here. Having been through labor, I am terrified of it now. I was trepidatious about labor when I was pregnant. It was a giant unknown and I knew, from accounts by other moms and by the sheer physics of the situation, that it was going to be painful. I was prepared, or so I thought. But the reality of my specific labor experience was excruciating. I was in labor - hard, active labor - for a long time, and was throwing up from the pain by the end. I was literally begging my unborn son to stop moving inside me because every movement from him caused another contraction. I was sobbing through each contraction and terrified that I was in serious trouble because it was going on for so long and was so painful. It also made me re-evaluate my tolerance for pain. I thought I had a high tolerance, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe my labor was more painful than usual because of the complications we had, but maybe it was just normal. Maybe it was normal but way longer. I have no idea and no real way to objectively judge.

If I were to get pregnant again (a long shot, but you never know), I would have to very seriously consider a scheduled c-section, even knowing how awful the recovery is. Yeah. I'm serious. I'm that afraid of going through labor again. My fear stems from a very specific circumstance - a long, painful labor that ended in a c-section - and maybe it's heightened because the experience is still so fresh in my mind. But that epidural was such a tremendous relief. I wish I was a writer or a poet so I could capture the vast expanse of the relief I felt when that epidural went in. Everything in my world was tipped off axis up to that point, and then it suddenly righted. That's as close as I can come to the feeling. So I know first hand how tempting the promise of a pain-free delivery can be. The reality is that there is no such thing. You will have the pain; having the epidural only delays it.

I advocate for natural childbirth, and rant about the high rates of c-sections, not because of a machismo belief that women need to be warriors in their birthing experiences, but because this is how it's designed to work. The more you mess around with the way it's supposed to happen, the more you are inviting complications and negative outcomes. Epidurals are fantastic, but is the upside worth the downside? It's a pretty big downside, and it's something that each woman has to decide for herself. All I'm saying is, know what the downside is before you sign up for it. If you weigh the evidence and still decide it's right for you, more power to you. I certainly did, so I would never dream of judging someone who wanted an epidural. I just think we need to take back our healthcare and have informed consent.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Meatless Monday: Israeli Couscous salad

Oops. I was supposed to post this yesterday. Should have investigated the auto-publish a bit further...

This recipe is an approximate guess of a salad my friend Kim brought over when we were house-bound and recovering. It was the tastiest thing I'd had in a while, and we've had it two more times since then. She said it originally came from Martha Stewart, but I've never seen the original recipe. I normally am not a huge fan of mushrooms (unless they have been cooked to death in tons of butter), but I can't get enough of them in this salad. It's that good. Believe it.

Israeli Couscous Salad

2 c. Israeli couscous (also sometimes called pearl couscous)
2.5 c. water
1 package of baby bellas, sliced
1 bunch scallions, sliced
1 bag frozen corn (approx. 2 c.)
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
juice from 2-3 limes (or to taste)
salt and pepper to taste

Bring the water to boil and add the couscous. Stir , cover, lower heat and simmer until the water is absorbed. You can alternatively toast the couscous in a bit of butter or olive oil before adding water and cooking for a deeper flavor. Totally up to you. Set aside.

In a large wok/pot/pan, saute the mushrooms in olive oil, just until they lose the raw edge (don't brown them). Then add the scallions and saute for a few minutes more. Then add the corn and black beans and saute until the corn heats through. Then add the couscous and toss everything together until well mixed. Remove from heat and add lime juice, salt and pepper to taste.

It should be mildly citrusy, but not overwhelming. You want the veggies to shine through. Of course, this is the lazy version. You can use fresh corn, and make the black beans from scratch instead of canned. Any way you slice it, this salad is yum. Serve with some avocado slices on top. (We have it as a side with sandwiches or wraps or chili.)

Friday, April 6, 2012

Having a baby is hard, yo.

I have no idea how Mommy-bloggers keep it up. I am a stay-at-home-mom and I can barely get my teeth brushed every day, let alone household chores and the like. So the blog has taken a very far back seat.

Our baby guy is just over 5 weeks old now and every day gets easier as we figure him out. And since he's survived this long with us as his parents, we must be doing something right. Right? We're taking short excursions, which generally goes well. Our guy is a good traveler, though he'll be put to the test when we take a plane trip next month. I'm already girding my loins for the onslaught of dirty looks from the other passengers.

Know what else is hard? Breastfeeding. It's true. It's the most natural and yet the most difficult thing. Well, it's easy to do, but hard to get right. I suffered through the cracked, bleeding nipples though everyone at La Leche League swears that it should happen. Or it shouldn't have to happen, at least. Again, if you are doing it right. Which we were obviously not. We've got it mostly figured out, but I'm here to warn you: even when you are doing it right, it's uncomfortable for the first few weeks. The latch still stings for me, as does the milk letdown. But Butterbean is growing and thriving and that makes me so freaking proud, so it's all worth it. If ever you find yourself with a newborn, even if you think you know what you are doing - I certainly did. I read books about it for cripes sake! - get help. Early and often. The local LLL, other breastfeeding moms, your pediatricians office should have some lactation consultants on staff, the hospital does too. All valid resources and I used every single one. Plus, seeing that other women are struggling with it too makes it easier to power through. I never considered giving up, because we didn't have the extreme problems that some women have, but having other breastfeeding mamas to commiserate with made the experience much better all around.

So, in summary: having a baby is a lot of hard, hard work. It's the best thing I've ever done.