Stretch marks.

I have been living on cocoa butter. Seriously. I am single-handedly keeping the coca butter business afloat. I slather so much of the stuff on my belly every night in the hopes of staving off stretch marks that I permanently smell like whatever scent I've picked out for the week. But last night, I discovered something devastating...

It's not working.

I was just bragging to my mother about how I had no stretch marks on my belly yet (though a few small ones have crept up on my chest), and I was working so hard to make sure it stayed that way. (The aforementioned cocoa butter, plus keeping really well hydrated and eating right.) So seeing those first faint pink lines stretching across my lower belly was a shock. Though, in retrospect, they shouldn't have been all that surprising given the ones that appeared on my chest a few weeks ago.

In theory, I don't think there's anything wrong with stretch marks. They are a sign of something amazing: growing a person! One book referred to them as "the red badge of motherhood". But let's be real here for a minute. They aren't exactly attractive. No one sees stretch marks and thinks, "ooh, sexy!" I have enough body image problems without adding huge red welts across my abdomen. I know they fade over time, but it's distressing. I'm not a fan, in general, of putting a bunch of chemicals in my body, but I'm thinking that Mederma and I are going to be pretty good friends in a few months...

I think the main reason this is so hard for me to accept is that almost every single woman I have discussed this with has said something along the lines of "I didn't get any stretch marks!" I swear, if I hear that one more time I might go insane. I mean, sure, there have to be women out there with magical skin who never show signs of trauma, but seriously? Is it all of you? Am I the only one getting these things?

I would really love to hear from someone who got stretch marks. How bad is it going to get? How long do they take to fade from neon red to skin tone? Does Mederma (or any other scar reducing topical treatment) work? Is this something I just need to accept? Learn to love it as just another sign that I grew and nourished a life for nine months? I know it's vain. I fully embrace that it's only "skin deep" (heh) and has no impact on my abilities as a wife or mother. And not many people see my belly on a regular basis (or at all). But I would really love to be pretty for the one person who does see me and my distended belly on a regular basis.

This is where Allen proves, once again, that he is the best husband ever and a better person than me. He doesn't think they are ugly - though that may be because they are still small and unobtrusive right now. He thinks they are a sign that my body is doing something incredible, and thinks anyone who thinks they are ugly should keep their mouths shut. I married an amazing man. But still, having a baby is, in the end, kind of gross. So I'd prefer to keep the rest of it as pretty as possible. Rubbing a belly that's marked with deep red gashes takes away some of the charm...

N.B. This post is not meant to make anyone feel bad about themselves. This is how I feel about my stretch marks. Seeing them on other people doesn't make me cringe or shudder. (Actually, come to think of it, I don't know that I have seen them on other people aside from the birthing videos we've been watching in our Bradley Method class...) I'm whining about them on my body because I'm having a little pity party and feeling sorry for myself for not being Miranda Kerr who had a baby and went back to modeling Victoria's Secret underwear like 2 months later with nary a mark on her perfect self. (Not to mention a perfectly flat and flab-free belly.) I know beauty is only skin deep, in the eye of the beholder, is fleeting, etc, etc. But I'd still like to be pretty, for Allen at least.