Time is not on our side.

I was going to post a whole rant about that Time magazine cover. You know the one. But I am tired of it. Anyone who uses that cover to make a decision about breast feeding is not informed. Period. I'm not going to link the cover photo and I refuse to read the article that accompanies it. If we give sensationalist media the attention the so desperately crave, they keep putting out sensationalist media. It's a vicious cycle and I don't want to participate.

Here's the thing. I don't cover up when I feed my son. Not in my house, not in public. I don't do it to be an activist about it or make a statement. I don't cover up because I need to see what's going on. I suffered through cracked, bleeding nipples in the beginning and I want to make sure his latch is correct. I also like to see my baby. I want to know if he's falling asleep, or spitting up, or nursing because he's hungry or needs comfort or is tired. It's also really hot under there! He's already up against my skin (which may or may not already be sweaty), and it's getting hotter every day, and putting a blanket on top of the whole thing would make everyone involved miserable. I will admit that I feel a little bit like everyone else should get over it already. I'm not doing anything weird. I'm feeding my baby. It's not like I'm breastfeeding my husband. And if it makes you uncomfortable, guess what? You don't have to look! That's the beauty of it! And if you did happen to look? You'd see a 0.5 second flash of nipple before a baby head eclipsed your view. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, maybe you should examine the reasons why... Just sayin'.

I have noticed that in mixed company, most moms will cover up, but when it's mostly other moms of small babies, almost no one covers up. There are certain "safe" spaces to breastfeed without a cover - like a La Leche League meeting, or a mommy play date, and that makes me kind of sad. On the one hand, personal comfort level trumps all. If you don't feel comfortable breastfeeding without a cover in public, then you shouldn't. But on the other hand, you are feeding your child and that is beautiful. Period.

I feel very strongly about breast feeding. I would consider myself a "lactivist", as one friend put it. I think that sexualizing women's bodies in Western culture has had a deleterious effect on our self-esteem, but also on how we view babies and child-rearing in general. The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breast feeding until at least six months of age, and recommends continuing breast feeding until age two. Formula, like c-sections and the like, is an amazing advancement that allows us to feed babies who otherwise wouldn't have access to food. How you choose to feed your baby is your business, and formula-fed babies are still being fed with love by their parents. I'm not here to make any judgments about people who choose formula over breastmilk. Some women don't have a choice in the matter, and their babies grow up healthy and strong, too. But I will say this, if you can breastfeed, you definitely should. Not just because of the benefits for your child - those are myriad and well documented. (Side note: breastmilk is seriously magic.) But for you. I felt super weird about breastfeeding until my son was born. I had weird dreams about breastfeeding all sorts of weird people and it was upsetting. But when he was born and latched on for the first time, it was a magical moment. It sounds cliche to say it like that, but honestly, it was like no one else in the world existed but us. And now that he's a little bit older, he looks at me while he eats and it's like we have a silent conversation with our eyes. It's a connection I have with him that no one else in the world has, and it's amazing.

One final note: La Leche League is an amazing organization. You can call a leader any time, day or night for advice and help with breastfeeding. They were instrumental in getting me through the first few (rough) weeks of breastfeeding. It's a mama-to-mama support network, and is just all around great. If you have questions or concerns or need help or just need to hear from people in similar situations, look them up. It's so worth your time.

Oof.

So, hi. It's been a while. In addition to trying to find free time with a baby (impossible, FYI), I've been pondering what to do with the blog. My whole life revolves around Butterbean - in a good way, not in an unhealthy, "I should get out more and stop helicopter parenting" way - and as such, I have very little to discuss that doesn't directly involve or pertain to him. Allen and I are very consciously trying to minimize his digital footprint until such time as he can control it directly. He should have a say in what is put up about him on the Internet for everyone to see for all eternity. (Or until civilization collapses and the Internet doesn't exist anymore.) So, what do I talk about?

I've discovered some amazing things about motherhood in general. First of all, post-partum hair loss starts around the time your baby is eight-ish weeks old, but really starts to kick into high gear around 10-12 weeks. I'm pulling out fist-fulls of hair when I brush now. Pregnancy was fabulous - I didn't lose any hair so I had a full head of thick, beautiful locks. That is all a distant memory now. Also, TMI warning, the hair on my underarms and legs hardly grew at all, while the hair on my head grew like crazy. Again, now a thing of the past. Not that I was ever a particularly hairy person, thankfully, but still. Sigh.

On a positive note, I've lost all but about two to five pounds of my pregnancy weight! Breastfeeding rocks, guys. For serious. I haven't done anything other than breastfeed and carry that baby around. Granted, I still have the 40 pounds I should have lost before I got pregnant, but we're taking baby steps here.

Speaking of breastfeeding, I finally feel like we've got it down. And I, apparently, am a freaking milk making machine. So, I decided to donate breastmilk. There are a few Facebook groups that will coordinate women who have extra with women who need extra, but the thing that bothers me about that is that it's unvetted. You can pass communicable diseases through breastmilk, and while I know my own medical history is free and clear, these women don't. They have to take my word for it, which seems... Sketchy. So, I'm donating to a milk bank (Milkin' Mamas) who in turn sell to a pharmaceutical company (Prolacta Bioscience) who concentrates the milk down into a human milk protein supplement for NICU babies and sells it to hospitals around the country. On the one hand, I feel good that my extra milk is helping NICU babies, but on the other hand it bothers me that I am donating and these companies are making a (serious) profit off of it. Well, Milkin' Mamas at least makes a donation to a different charity each month on behalf of all the donating moms.

I know I've said this before, but I am having a hard time balancing my time. I have a lot of time during the day to go places and do things (with Butterbean in tow), but most of my friends work or have other obligations during the day. Evenings and weekends tend to be difficult because it's the only opportunity I have to spend time with Allen, and quite frankly, I'm usually exhausted by the end of the day. I am trying to make more of an effort to get out in the evenings. I feel like I've been pretty neglectful of some friends that have been nothing but kind and understanding. Ladies, I promise I'm trying to get my act together. Every day gets easier as Butterbean gets older and we get to know each other better.

It's a work in progress.