Decisions, decisions.

We are all ready to start our home study paperwork this week, but I had some final questions first, so I called the Barker Foundation yesterday morning. We were strongly considering the Datz Foundation, but their info meeting and organization in general seemed kind of disorganized. Barker is more like a well-oiled machine. Efficient, organized... They just seemed to have their act together more than Datz did. That feeling was reaffirmed after my discussions with them today. I've been pushing myself towards Datz because I thought that they would have less expensive fees and that they could help us accomplish our goals quickly. After my discussions with both the director of international and the director of domestic adoptions, I'm pretty convinced that Datz isn't going to be the best fit for us. For one, the fees aren't as wildly different as I originally thought. And for another, I've been pretty unrealistic about what goals we can accomplish in the timeline I had laid out in my head.

Our plan was to start our paperwork for the Waiting Child program in China and try to adopt domestically (privately) in the interim. Our remaining questions had to do with timing and cost. We are DINKs right now (double income, no kids), but as soon as that first child enters our world, we're dropping down to a single salary. Maybe before then, depending on how fast we can get remaining debt paid off. Cost is relatively unimportant now, but will become important once we lose the second salary. Barker charges a sliding scale fee for domestic comprehensive adoption services. Meaning, if you go the domestic route and enter their profile pool and wait for them to place a child with you (get chosen by a birthparent). They also have flat fees for individual services if you wanted to do a private adoption. The International fees are also flat, no sliding scale.

I know what you're asking yourself, because it's exactly what I asked: that's all fine and good, but how much will it cost? Here's the answer:

The Waiting Child Program costs around $9,000 for the agency fees and another $8,000 in fees to the international (Chinese) agency. But there are also incidental expenses like visas and other US immigration paperwork costs, travel to China for at least one of us (though they strongly recommend both parents travel). So, when all is said and done, we're looking at total costs north of $20,000.

Individual fees run around $4,500 for domestic services. That includes things like the home study, miscellaneous administrative fees (like coordinating with your attorney and certifying documents - that kind of thing), pre-adoption parenting classes, post-adoption follow up. On top of those fees, you also have to pay attorney fees for both yourself and for the birthparents, and I'm not sure how much that costs. I'd say a safe estimate is at least $5,000 for each attorney, but could conceivably go higher. So, for the sake of argument, let's call it $18,000 total. To be safe.

Comprehensive adoption fees are sliding scale. I like the idea of sliding scale, in general. We make more so we should pay more. It also makes it easier for families with lower incomes to adopt. A lot of people cut themselves out of adoption because they think they can't afford it, so a sliding scale is a great way to help people who would otherwise make outstanding parents afford the process. Barker uses line 22 of your income tax return to determine where you fall on the scale. Given our incomes, our total cost for comprehensive services would be $20,000. There are a few additional fees to pay, like finalizing the adoption, and potential pass-through expenses (helping with insurance co-pays for the birth mother, for example), so let's call it $25,000 total.

This is a lot of money. There is no way around that stark fact. I realize now that in previous posts I was a bit cavalier about how much adoption would cost. But Barker's fees aren't really all that different from Datz or any other agency. Maybe we'll pay a bit more, depending on the route we take, but since we'll be paying approximately the same regardless, we may as well go with the agency that feels "right" for us. Barker has been that agency.

We are extremely lucky to even be considering paying these kinds of fees, so I don't want to complain about it too much. Many of these fees are fees for services rendered, and every single person I've spoken to at Barker is well worth the cost. They are providing professional services and advice, and are also available to talk or email with general questions. They are friendly, polite and well informed, and you don't get a bill after a phone conversation the way you would with an attorney. The level of service is well worth the cost, in my opinion. Additionally, you pay these fees incrementally, not all up front. You pay for the home study when you start the home study. You pay for classes and counseling at the time of the class,  not before. You pay finalization fees once your adoption is final. The cost is much more manageable because it is broken up into "pay as you go" type payments. And finally, the adoption credit on your income taxes offsets the bulk of the cost. The tax credit stands at around $13,000 right now, and is a straight credit, not a deduction. It's true that you pay up front and get partially "reimbursed" on your taxes later, but it is still a significant savings. It basically cuts any of our fees in half, at least.

Now that we've covered cost, the other issue is timing. We've been told that it takes some months to complete a comprehensive international home study and dossier - up to 10 months, in fact. We figured we'd get started even earlier and be ready to go on Allen's 30th birthday. But after a discussion with the director of international adoptions at Barker, I discovered that it's too early to start the process. We have 15 months before Allen turns 30. Home studies are good for 3 years in the Commonwealth of Virginia, but immigration documents and approvals are only good for 15 months. Also, you need certified copies of things like birth certificates and marriage certificates, but the certification can't be too old. There are all sorts of time lines on the international side as well, so realistically speaking, we can't start our paperwork for the Waiting Child program for at least 6 more months.

We could, theoretically, start the process for either a domestic agency or private adoption, but again, realistically speaking, we are only giving ourselves 6 months to complete everything. And it just doesn't work that way. We should expect the process to take a year, at least, and while it can and certainly does happen faster than that for some couples, we shouldn't expect that. And we can't be in the middle of one adoption and start the second at the same time. So it looks like we need to choose. Domestic adoption now or Waiting Child program in 6 months?

It's a really tough call and we'll be doing a lot of discussing and soul searching this week before we finalize our decision. I am really committed to the Waiting Child program, but I'm also ready to be a mom now. I've been ready for a while actually, so waiting even longer is a daunting prospect. Once we made the decision to adopt, I basically had open arms with a sign that said "insert baby here." Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way and we have a lot of legwork to do before we have a child. Increasing that wait time by another 6 months seems frustrating in the short term, but we have to think long term, here. That's the hardest part of this whole process - having to make short term decisions that affect long term outcomes.

Welcome to parenting, I guess.