Hypochondria at its finest.

I wrote this post a few days before I found out I was pregnant. Reading it now is pretty hilarious.

One of the problems with not delving far into infertility treatments and diagnoses is that I still have this vague notion that I could get pregnant. And with every bump in the adoption road, I am reminded that birthing my child would be infinitely easier than adopting it. So every month, any little ache or pain gets blown way out of proportion. Slept badly and have a back ache?! Could be pregnant! Have to pee all the time?! Of course it's not all the extra water you've been trying to drink - you could be pregnant! Every little "symptom" gets over-analyzed beyond all bounds of reason. And then, when I get my period, I have a little pity party. It's ridiculous. Even more ridiculous is how I over-analyze everything as a possible miscarriage. I am like super-hyper-aware of any little twinge that could indicate a miscarriage. I am terrified of having another miscarriage - that was one of the worst, darkest periods of my life - but I don't want to go back on birth control. 1) It's expensive. 2) I'm not a big fan of pumping my body full of hormones. 3) It seems unnecessary since I'm not getting pregnant anyway. 4) If I did (miraculously) get pregnant, we would welcome that outcome. But a part of my brain realizes that going back on BC would short circuit the pregnancy-hypochondria-theater that plays out each month. But it feels a little like damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't.