We had a follow up with our fertility doc yesterday. She went over the numbers in a bit more detail, but basically, the slightly elevated FSH numbers is why we have had a tough time getting pregnant. (Or, rather, why I've had a tough time getting pregnant. I don't want to be the girl who says "we're pregnant!" It seems weird to me.)
Our doctor wants us to move fast. "Age is the best independent predictor of success!" She is fond of saying that. And I'm starting to feel like my ovaries are going to put on fedoras and grab old fashioned suitcases and exit my body with a tip of the hat and a "thank you, ma'am" on my 35th birthday. Our doctor wants to go straight for 3 months of "monitored" clomid cycles, then IVF. "Monitored" means you have an ultrasound and blood work on day 3 of your period. Then, barring any cysts on your ovaries, you take clomid (a strong dose) for 5 days, then another ultrasound - or more than one - to tell when your ovaries have produced enough follicles. Then you give yourself an injection to trigger ovulation and come in to the office two days later to be "inseminated". Then you wait 2 weeks and get a blood test to see if you are pregnant. Sounds fun, right? Right. (P.S. Self injection? Those words will never apply to this household. There. is. no. way.)
When that fails three times in a row, she wants us to go straight to IVF. Presumably because it has the best success rates - 50% or better per attempt. That's the other issue: I feel like she's setting us up for what happens when the current attempts fail. Why even bother with it if it's just going to fail? I mean, the rational part of me (very small at the point) knows she is trying to help us plan ahead and prep us for "next steps", but the irrational part (large and growing) feels like she is just trying to get us to IVF as quickly as possible. I don't think she's doing it for the money - though it's certainly expensive - but rather for the stats. If she can get me pregnant and move on to the next couple, they'll have another "win" for the office which increases their stature in the infertile community. Like I said, irrational.
Needless to say, I put the brakes on her super fast. I have misgivings about this whole thing anyway, so I'm certainly not jumping into invasive medical treatments. She "agreed" to let us do one cycle of clomid "unmonitored" - which means I take the medicine and we "time" accordingly, no blood work or ultrasounds or "triggers". Just us and a bit of "better living through chemistry", so to speak. She wants to then move to a month of monitored and timed and then by the third month, monitored and IUI (intra-uterine insemination). "Unmonitored" clomid cycles is what we'd likely be doing for six months through my OBGYN if all our tests had come back normal. But since we're already at the point where we need a fertility specialist, we're past the "unmonitored" stage.
We're going to try the month of unmonitored clomid. Depending on how that turns out, we might try the "monitored" version. But I don't think I have much more of this in me right now. I really, really, REALLY want to get started on adoption paperwork and I feel like this is holding me back right now. I almost wish we had never investigated this any further. That we had taken the results from my OBGYN, tucked them away for a while and moved on with adoption. I don't feel like I'm ready to close the door on biological children, but our doctor has really drilled it in to my head that we need to "get this done" before I turn 35. So I feel like if we don't do this now, we may never have another chance. I hate that feeling. I hate it.
I guess I'm going to have to give it until June if we're doing the Waiting Child program anyway, so I may as well travel this path to its logical conclusion. But honestly? I think we're there. I think this is the end of the line for me in terms of infertility treatments. It's making me crazy and I just. don't. want. to. anymore. I want to spend my emotional (and physical) capital on adoption. I'm not sure how to process the infertility stuff, in terms of what the future course will be, but I do know that it's a huge drain on my resources right now. We have so much other stuff going on, I need to lighten the load and move on.
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