Feeling manic.

I love instant gratification. There. I've said it.

I mean, that statement is kind of obvious, right? Who doesn't love instant gratification? Patience was never one of my virtues, but it is something that I am conscientiously trying to improve about myself.

...It's not going that well.

As a result, I have lately been trying to cram as much as is humanly possible into each day, trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on our current childless state, or how badly I want to start paperwork for adoption. As a result, I have been manic lately. Like really manic. We just got back from a weekend trip to see family, have family coming in visit this week, have another road trip planned in a few weeks, co-planning/hosting a baby shower for a good friend who just brought home her daughter, crafting gifts for said shower plus a shower next month for another good friend, Allen's birthday, Chinese classes, work, freelance knitting projects... And that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure I'm forgetting something because when I get overwhelmed, I forget things.

And man oh man, am I feeling overwhelmed. I am trying to remember to breathe. Just breathe. And also to remember the value of calm and silence. They aren't bad words, Autumn. I know that this is all temporary, this waiting and anxiety, and so I'm taking a deep breath and taking some things off my plate. I can't do everything, and getting myself worked up about how over-scheduled I am is not better than getting myself worked up over how childless I am.

I need to take these last moments to enjoy my time with my husband and friends. To revel in the lack of poopy diapers and spit-up. To enjoy going out for drinks with friends last-minute, simply because I can. Oh, and spending too much money on awesome yarn. Which I did. Yesterday. But, honestly: it's awesome yarn.

Deep breath. Feeling better. Thanks.