If the way my cats behave is any indication, we are going to be bad parents. Our cats tear-ass around the house, and lately have been picking on Kiki (the youngest) like nobody's business! It's getting ridiculous, in fact. I have no idea why they are all of the sudden determined to make her life (and ours, by association) miserable. She has two (two!) scratches on her nose, one on her ear and I have had to physically separate the main assailants (Zsa Zsa and Trot) from her vicinity three or four times in the past few weeks. Trot is laying in ambush for her as I type. As though I can't see him! Grr!
We have taught them a few tricks. They each eat out of their own bowl. Deneb, Trot and occasionally Eva will jump into our arms for pets and attention. They are cuddley lap kitties, and are usually sweet and gentle. So is it that we are permissive parents raising bad kitty children, or have they all caught brain tumors in the last month?
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
The paper trail.
We started our paperwork last night. (And the heavens rejoiced and the angels sang! Hallelujah! [But you have to sing it loud and long like you are in the church choir.]) Obviously, this is a huge step forward and we are excited, but wow. Seriously. Wow.
The first step with Barker is to apply. We are filling out an adoption application right now. We submit that, along with a check (natch), plus the names of four character references, one of whom has to be willing to go into the Bethesda office for an in-person interview with Barker. Then we have to go in for an in-person interview. Once all of that is complete, then we start the home study paperwork.
Mind you, I'm not complaining. This gives me something to do, something to keep me occupied during the months of waiting to come. This post is really just to let everyone know what you are in for if you decide to adopt. There is a lot of paperwork. More than you thought was humanly possible. There is a lot of waiting. Also, more than you thought was humanly possible. The reasons for all the paperwork and character references and in-person interviews are legitimate and reasonable and necessary. But it can get frustrating. Thankfully, we are not at the frustrating stage yet. We are at the ohmygodwe'refinallydoingitIcan'tbelieveityayyayyayyay!! stage.
It's a pretty great place to be. And I can celebrate the official beginning with a drink. Something I could not do if I was pregnant. Win, win.
The first step with Barker is to apply. We are filling out an adoption application right now. We submit that, along with a check (natch), plus the names of four character references, one of whom has to be willing to go into the Bethesda office for an in-person interview with Barker. Then we have to go in for an in-person interview. Once all of that is complete, then we start the home study paperwork.
Mind you, I'm not complaining. This gives me something to do, something to keep me occupied during the months of waiting to come. This post is really just to let everyone know what you are in for if you decide to adopt. There is a lot of paperwork. More than you thought was humanly possible. There is a lot of waiting. Also, more than you thought was humanly possible. The reasons for all the paperwork and character references and in-person interviews are legitimate and reasonable and necessary. But it can get frustrating. Thankfully, we are not at the frustrating stage yet. We are at the ohmygodwe'refinallydoingitIcan'tbelieveityayyayyayyay!! stage.
It's a pretty great place to be. And I can celebrate the official beginning with a drink. Something I could not do if I was pregnant. Win, win.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Baby blogs I love: Oh Happy Miracle.
Oh Happy Miracle.
This site was featured on Dear Baby many months ago and I clicked on it out of curiosity. The blog was still in its early days back then, and I was hooked. I think of Kristen as the Mark Twain of blogging. She writes the way she speaks (it seems), and she has such an honest (sometimes brutally so) style that I admire. She was so unflinching in her descriptions of her trials with infertility, and I was immediately drawn in by her bravery.
She discusses everything from IVF to weight gain to crying jags and eating healthy (or not). Her posts are so much fun to read, and though we are taking different roads to parenthood, I feel in her a kindred spirit. She is balls out in the best way.
Like Melissa of Dear Baby, I'm pretty sure that if I lived in the same town, I'd have stalked Kristen down and demanded to be friends.
This site was featured on Dear Baby many months ago and I clicked on it out of curiosity. The blog was still in its early days back then, and I was hooked. I think of Kristen as the Mark Twain of blogging. She writes the way she speaks (it seems), and she has such an honest (sometimes brutally so) style that I admire. She was so unflinching in her descriptions of her trials with infertility, and I was immediately drawn in by her bravery.
She discusses everything from IVF to weight gain to crying jags and eating healthy (or not). Her posts are so much fun to read, and though we are taking different roads to parenthood, I feel in her a kindred spirit. She is balls out in the best way.
Like Melissa of Dear Baby, I'm pretty sure that if I lived in the same town, I'd have stalked Kristen down and demanded to be friends.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Feeling manic.
I love instant gratification. There. I've said it.
I mean, that statement is kind of obvious, right? Who doesn't love instant gratification? Patience was never one of my virtues, but it is something that I am conscientiously trying to improve about myself.
...It's not going that well.
As a result, I have lately been trying to cram as much as is humanly possible into each day, trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on our current childless state, or how badly I want to start paperwork for adoption. As a result, I have been manic lately. Like really manic. We just got back from a weekend trip to see family, have family coming in visit this week, have another road trip planned in a few weeks, co-planning/hosting a baby shower for a good friend who just brought home her daughter, crafting gifts for said shower plus a shower next month for another good friend, Allen's birthday, Chinese classes, work, freelance knitting projects... And that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure I'm forgetting something because when I get overwhelmed, I forget things.
And man oh man, am I feeling overwhelmed. I am trying to remember to breathe. Just breathe. And also to remember the value of calm and silence. They aren't bad words, Autumn. I know that this is all temporary, this waiting and anxiety, and so I'm taking a deep breath and taking some things off my plate. I can't do everything, and getting myself worked up about how over-scheduled I am is not better than getting myself worked up over how childless I am.
I need to take these last moments to enjoy my time with my husband and friends. To revel in the lack of poopy diapers and spit-up. To enjoy going out for drinks with friends last-minute, simply because I can. Oh, and spending too much money on awesome yarn. Which I did. Yesterday. But, honestly: it's awesome yarn.
Deep breath. Feeling better. Thanks.
I mean, that statement is kind of obvious, right? Who doesn't love instant gratification? Patience was never one of my virtues, but it is something that I am conscientiously trying to improve about myself.
...It's not going that well.
As a result, I have lately been trying to cram as much as is humanly possible into each day, trying to stay busy so I don't dwell on our current childless state, or how badly I want to start paperwork for adoption. As a result, I have been manic lately. Like really manic. We just got back from a weekend trip to see family, have family coming in visit this week, have another road trip planned in a few weeks, co-planning/hosting a baby shower for a good friend who just brought home her daughter, crafting gifts for said shower plus a shower next month for another good friend, Allen's birthday, Chinese classes, work, freelance knitting projects... And that's just what I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure I'm forgetting something because when I get overwhelmed, I forget things.
And man oh man, am I feeling overwhelmed. I am trying to remember to breathe. Just breathe. And also to remember the value of calm and silence. They aren't bad words, Autumn. I know that this is all temporary, this waiting and anxiety, and so I'm taking a deep breath and taking some things off my plate. I can't do everything, and getting myself worked up about how over-scheduled I am is not better than getting myself worked up over how childless I am.
I need to take these last moments to enjoy my time with my husband and friends. To revel in the lack of poopy diapers and spit-up. To enjoy going out for drinks with friends last-minute, simply because I can. Oh, and spending too much money on awesome yarn. Which I did. Yesterday. But, honestly: it's awesome yarn.
Deep breath. Feeling better. Thanks.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Looking up.
Things are looking up.
I ate a bowl full of chocolate chips, had some tea with a ton of sugar in it, got off work early to knit, and got to bask in the reflected joy of a good friend adopting her beautiful daughter.
Life is good.
I ate a bowl full of chocolate chips, had some tea with a ton of sugar in it, got off work early to knit, and got to bask in the reflected joy of a good friend adopting her beautiful daughter.
Life is good.
I was going to mope but...
What the hell, I will anyway!
Seems like the good news just keeps rolling in for all of my friends. Not necessarily with babies, but with big life changes and career advancements and European moves and such. The most exciting thing I can say is we closed on our re-finance this morning. Hooray.
I know my time in the sun will come, and I'll have so much excitement I won't be able to even process it, but seriously? When? I am ready now, universe. Any day now...
Still waiting...
Hello? Is anyone there?
Seems like the good news just keeps rolling in for all of my friends. Not necessarily with babies, but with big life changes and career advancements and European moves and such. The most exciting thing I can say is we closed on our re-finance this morning. Hooray.
I know my time in the sun will come, and I'll have so much excitement I won't be able to even process it, but seriously? When? I am ready now, universe. Any day now...
Still waiting...
Hello? Is anyone there?
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Last man standing.
Over the past year, I've built up a network of friends who are all, in one way or another, having difficulty starting a family. These women have been an amazing support framework, and I hope that I've been the same to them. Misery loves company, but not because misery is fun. Because sharing it with someone makes both burdens easier to bear. Some of these people are real-life friends who I see regularly, some are blogs I've followed over the past year. So why bring it up now?
Because all of these women are either pregnant or bringing home their first child. It kind of happened all at once, too. So now I feel a little bit like the last man standing in the infertility camp, and it's pretty lonely here. It's not as though these women will stop being my friends, or will stop supporting me. Quite the contrary, in fact. They are all amazing and I am so lucky to have found them and to have them in my life. But the fact of the matter is that it's hard to be the last one still struggling with this issue. Well, "last" relatively speaking. Last in my group of friends. I'm feeling a little bit like my support network is eroding and I'm out here in No-Man's (or is it "No-Kids"?) Land.
This was the subject of a long and emotional discussion with Allen on a recent road trip. We are both really committed to the Waiting Child Program in China, but the fact of the matter is that I just can't wait that long. We will still adopt through that program, but it's looking like that will be our second child rather than our first. My sanity just can't take another two year wait. I can't do it, folks.
I've always wanted a big family, and we discussed early on having 2 or 3 kids. Maybe 4, but most likely 3. I'd love to have 4, Allen thinks 1 is fine, so we're meeting in the middle... Skewed to my side of the middle, naturally. :-) I am feeling the inexorable march of time right now and I don't want it to run out. I also want my kids to have other children of similar ages to play with as they grow up, preferably children of people that I enjoy being around too. My parents had a big group of friends who all had kids around the same time, and I have fond (if shadowy and vague because I was young) memories of running around at parties or pot-luck dinners with those kids while our parents enjoyed each others company.
I also don't want to be 60+ when my kids are graduating from high school. I want to be young enough to enjoy, or hell, just see, grandchildren.
I keep reminding myself that we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing right now. We are getting our financial ducks in a row and otherwise preparing to expand our family. We are still waiting until June to start our homestudy, but I'm pretty sure we're going to do a domestic adoption through the Barker Foundation first, and do the Waiting Child program second.
On the one hand, I'm really frustrated because this was our original plan, and had we just stuck to it, we'd have started our paperwork in January and be well on our way to bringing our baby home. On the other hand, the extra time allowed us to re-finance our mortgage and take care of some other things along the way, and we'll be in a much better position, financially, for having waited. But how much longer do I have to wait?! Patience was never one of my virtues, and while I'm getting better at it as I get older (practice makes perfect!), I still have days when I want to scream and pull my hair out and yell "Now, now, now!" at the top of my lungs.
::deep breath::
June. I can make it until June. Lord knows I have enough to keep me occupied until then.
Self, repeat after me: Ooooooooom.
Because all of these women are either pregnant or bringing home their first child. It kind of happened all at once, too. So now I feel a little bit like the last man standing in the infertility camp, and it's pretty lonely here. It's not as though these women will stop being my friends, or will stop supporting me. Quite the contrary, in fact. They are all amazing and I am so lucky to have found them and to have them in my life. But the fact of the matter is that it's hard to be the last one still struggling with this issue. Well, "last" relatively speaking. Last in my group of friends. I'm feeling a little bit like my support network is eroding and I'm out here in No-Man's (or is it "No-Kids"?) Land.
This was the subject of a long and emotional discussion with Allen on a recent road trip. We are both really committed to the Waiting Child Program in China, but the fact of the matter is that I just can't wait that long. We will still adopt through that program, but it's looking like that will be our second child rather than our first. My sanity just can't take another two year wait. I can't do it, folks.
I've always wanted a big family, and we discussed early on having 2 or 3 kids. Maybe 4, but most likely 3. I'd love to have 4, Allen thinks 1 is fine, so we're meeting in the middle... Skewed to my side of the middle, naturally. :-) I am feeling the inexorable march of time right now and I don't want it to run out. I also want my kids to have other children of similar ages to play with as they grow up, preferably children of people that I enjoy being around too. My parents had a big group of friends who all had kids around the same time, and I have fond (if shadowy and vague because I was young) memories of running around at parties or pot-luck dinners with those kids while our parents enjoyed each others company.
I also don't want to be 60+ when my kids are graduating from high school. I want to be young enough to enjoy, or hell, just see, grandchildren.
I keep reminding myself that we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing right now. We are getting our financial ducks in a row and otherwise preparing to expand our family. We are still waiting until June to start our homestudy, but I'm pretty sure we're going to do a domestic adoption through the Barker Foundation first, and do the Waiting Child program second.
On the one hand, I'm really frustrated because this was our original plan, and had we just stuck to it, we'd have started our paperwork in January and be well on our way to bringing our baby home. On the other hand, the extra time allowed us to re-finance our mortgage and take care of some other things along the way, and we'll be in a much better position, financially, for having waited. But how much longer do I have to wait?! Patience was never one of my virtues, and while I'm getting better at it as I get older (practice makes perfect!), I still have days when I want to scream and pull my hair out and yell "Now, now, now!" at the top of my lungs.
::deep breath::
June. I can make it until June. Lord knows I have enough to keep me occupied until then.
Self, repeat after me: Ooooooooom.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
For Emily - donate to a good cause, win awesome yarn.
Reblogged (with permission) from my friend Ann (Fidget Knits).
Emily is sick. Very sick. They thought her liver was failing and she was preparing for a transplant last month when they discovered she actually has liver cancer -- which makes her ineligible for a transplant. Emily recently began chemotherapy, the first leg of her long journey to fight cancer. When she beats the cancer, she will still need a liver transplant.
When she is healthy, Emily works as a school teacher in my hometown in Kansas. Unfortunately, Emily's health insurance does not cover prescriptions. And because Kansas does not recognize gay marriage, Emily cannot get on her partner's insurance to help cover some of the costs. Right now, her prescriptions are running about $1,000 a month -- $35 a day -- which doesn't include co-pays for other medical treatments. She is hoping to raise at least $20,000 in the short term to help cover these costs. Emily keeps journal at CaringBridge to chronicle her fight against cancer.
I’ve put together a small fundraiser to help Emily get the money she needs for her fight. And amazing crafters from across the Internet have rallied to help out, too. Just look at the bevy of goodies for the winners! (Please note: the actual goods far exceed my photographic skills.)
My good friend Elspeth, of Wry Punster fame, will knit you a sweater!
* One winner will receive a sweater, knit by a former knitting teacher, to her (his) measurements. The winner will provide the yarn (worsted weight or heavier) and Elspeth will develop the custom pattern in consultation with the winner. The winner will receive the sweater and the pattern so that she (he) can knit additional garments to the same specs.
KFI Yarns donated a ton of yarns, most in sweater quantities. Including Louisa Harding Grace, which is a kissing cousing to Sundara Aran Silky Merino or Lorna’s Laces Lion & Lamb. Desert Island Yarn, for real. But wait, there’s more:
Top: Louisa Harding Grace; Queensland Collection Pima Fresca; Elsbeth Lavold Hempathy; Louisa Harding La Salute.
Bottom: Arucania Milodon & Louisa Harding Kashmir Baby; Louisa Harding Kashmir (baby, dk and aran weights); Arucania Milodon; Queensland Super Aussie Merino & Elsbeth Lavold Bamboucle.
These will be divided as follows:
* One winner: 9 hanks of Grace in Berry
* Two winners: 9 hanks each of Grace in Tangerine
* One winner: 5 hanks of Grace in a chocolate-covered cherry colorway, plus 10 balls of Kashmir Aran in Merlot
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in green plus 10 balls of La Salute in black
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in pink, plus 10 balls of La Salute in ivory
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Aran in teal, plus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* Two winners: 10 balls of Kashmir DK in teal, plus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in navy, blus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* One winner: 9 hanks of Pima Fresca in Ivory, plus 10 balls of Kashmir DK in rust
* One winner: 3 hanks of Arucania Milodon in purple, plus 4 balls of Kashmir baby in violet
* One winner: 10 hanks of Arucania Milodon in green
* One winner: 9 balls of Queensland Super Aussie Merino plus 5 balls of Elsbeth Lavold Bamboucle in celadon
* One winner: grab bag, including Elsbeth Lavold bamboucle in celery, plus 4 balls of Sublime Cashmerino dk in assorted colors, plus a full bag of unlabeled bulky ivory yarn.
Kathy at WEBS-America’s Yarn Store, has generously donated to the cause.
* One winner will receive a $50 gift card to WEBS, plus the two hanks of Huntington sock yarn in a deep purple pictured above, plus one set of size 2 bamboo dpns.
* One winner will receive a $50 gift card to WEBS and one set of size 2 bamboo dpns.
You know I’m a sucker for Fiberphile yarns from early on in her shop-days. Georgia’s colors are so amazing!
* One winner will receive a hank of 2-Ply Squooshy sock yarn in Concord.
Likewise, my girl Sundara has generously donated a hank of Fingering Silky Merino. One hank is 560 yards – plenty of yarn for a shawl or scarf.
* One winner will receive a hank of Fingering Silky Merino, Colorway Flower Studies #5.
My good friend (and lunch-buddy) Pia dug into her own stash for these highly coveted goodies.
* One winner will receive a hank of Wollmeise Twin in Frosch.
* One winner will receive a hank of Sanguine Gryphon Skinny Bugga, colorway Autumn Tiger Beetle.
I decided to match Pia's generosity.
* One winner will receive a hank of Wollmeise sock yarn in Veilchen.
* One winner will receive a hank of Sanguine Gryphon Skinny Bugga, colorway Cuban Cockroach.
The amazing and generous Caro has donated a box bag from her shop, Splityarn.
* One winner will be able to pick a box bag – print of the winner’s choosing. (I’m partial to the spiderpig box bag myself.
With so much yarn to be won, there can’t just be one bag, right? Jen from YarnPlayCafe has donated to the cause as well.
* One winner can pick a tote bag (exact kind to be specified soon!) from her shop.
The incomparable Kirsten Kapur of Through the Loops fame has generously offered up her designs.
* Three winners will each receive gift certificates to the Through The Loops pattern store, good for three patterns each.
The inspiring, phenomenally talented force behind Cauchy Complete has created a wonderful mini-quilt.
* One winner will receive a handmade mini-quilt.
Remember Elspeth at the top of this list? Her mother, an accomplished beader, has graciously contributed.
* One winner will receive the handmade, double-strand labradorite necklace.
Here’s how to participate:
1. Go to Emily’s donation site at Give Forward.
2. Give an amount you feel comfortable with. With your donation, leave Emily a note of support. Let her know the knitters are cheering her on, or share an inspiring quote or a song lyric. Or just share the cheesiest joke you’ve heard lately – something to make her smile.
3. Come back here and leave a comment with your donation amount. For every $10 you donate, you will receive one entry into the raffle. If you donate at least $20 and mention this fundraiser on your blog, public twitter account, or flickr, you’ll get an extra entry. (Make sure you include the link where it’s mentioned.)
(3.5. Important! Make sure that your comment information includes how to reach you if you win! )
4. Comments will be accepted until Tuesday, March 29, at 11:59 p.m. Winners will be announced the next day.
(4.5 Fine print: Taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Winners who do not respond to their notification within 7 days will forfeit their winnings. International entries are okay but will be shipped at the cheapest rate.)
Finally, a note about giving: There is a lot of tragedy in the world today, and I recognize that everyone has many opportunities to give. This is not intended to detract from any fundraisers for other worthwhile causes. If you do choose to give to help Emily, your donation will go directly to help her fight against liver cancer. And for that: THANK YOU.
A Request, For Emily (Win Crafty Goodies!)
So. My best friend in the world, Erin, has a sister, Emily. This is Emily.Emily is sick. Very sick. They thought her liver was failing and she was preparing for a transplant last month when they discovered she actually has liver cancer -- which makes her ineligible for a transplant. Emily recently began chemotherapy, the first leg of her long journey to fight cancer. When she beats the cancer, she will still need a liver transplant.
When she is healthy, Emily works as a school teacher in my hometown in Kansas. Unfortunately, Emily's health insurance does not cover prescriptions. And because Kansas does not recognize gay marriage, Emily cannot get on her partner's insurance to help cover some of the costs. Right now, her prescriptions are running about $1,000 a month -- $35 a day -- which doesn't include co-pays for other medical treatments. She is hoping to raise at least $20,000 in the short term to help cover these costs. Emily keeps journal at CaringBridge to chronicle her fight against cancer.
I’ve put together a small fundraiser to help Emily get the money she needs for her fight. And amazing crafters from across the Internet have rallied to help out, too. Just look at the bevy of goodies for the winners! (Please note: the actual goods far exceed my photographic skills.)
My good friend Elspeth, of Wry Punster fame, will knit you a sweater!
* One winner will receive a sweater, knit by a former knitting teacher, to her (his) measurements. The winner will provide the yarn (worsted weight or heavier) and Elspeth will develop the custom pattern in consultation with the winner. The winner will receive the sweater and the pattern so that she (he) can knit additional garments to the same specs.
KFI Yarns donated a ton of yarns, most in sweater quantities. Including Louisa Harding Grace, which is a kissing cousing to Sundara Aran Silky Merino or Lorna’s Laces Lion & Lamb. Desert Island Yarn, for real. But wait, there’s more:
Top: Louisa Harding Grace; Queensland Collection Pima Fresca; Elsbeth Lavold Hempathy; Louisa Harding La Salute.
Bottom: Arucania Milodon & Louisa Harding Kashmir Baby; Louisa Harding Kashmir (baby, dk and aran weights); Arucania Milodon; Queensland Super Aussie Merino & Elsbeth Lavold Bamboucle.
These will be divided as follows:
* One winner: 9 hanks of Grace in Berry
* Two winners: 9 hanks each of Grace in Tangerine
* One winner: 5 hanks of Grace in a chocolate-covered cherry colorway, plus 10 balls of Kashmir Aran in Merlot
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in green plus 10 balls of La Salute in black
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in pink, plus 10 balls of La Salute in ivory
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Aran in teal, plus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* Two winners: 10 balls of Kashmir DK in teal, plus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* One winner: 10 balls of Kashmir Baby in navy, blus 10 balls of La Salute in red
* One winner: 9 hanks of Pima Fresca in Ivory, plus 10 balls of Kashmir DK in rust
* One winner: 3 hanks of Arucania Milodon in purple, plus 4 balls of Kashmir baby in violet
* One winner: 10 hanks of Arucania Milodon in green
* One winner: 9 balls of Queensland Super Aussie Merino plus 5 balls of Elsbeth Lavold Bamboucle in celadon
* One winner: grab bag, including Elsbeth Lavold bamboucle in celery, plus 4 balls of Sublime Cashmerino dk in assorted colors, plus a full bag of unlabeled bulky ivory yarn.
Kathy at WEBS-America’s Yarn Store, has generously donated to the cause.
* One winner will receive a $50 gift card to WEBS, plus the two hanks of Huntington sock yarn in a deep purple pictured above, plus one set of size 2 bamboo dpns.
* One winner will receive a $50 gift card to WEBS and one set of size 2 bamboo dpns.
You know I’m a sucker for Fiberphile yarns from early on in her shop-days. Georgia’s colors are so amazing!
* One winner will receive a hank of 2-Ply Squooshy sock yarn in Concord.
Likewise, my girl Sundara has generously donated a hank of Fingering Silky Merino. One hank is 560 yards – plenty of yarn for a shawl or scarf.
* One winner will receive a hank of Fingering Silky Merino, Colorway Flower Studies #5.
My good friend (and lunch-buddy) Pia dug into her own stash for these highly coveted goodies.
* One winner will receive a hank of Wollmeise Twin in Frosch.
* One winner will receive a hank of Sanguine Gryphon Skinny Bugga, colorway Autumn Tiger Beetle.
I decided to match Pia's generosity.
* One winner will receive a hank of Wollmeise sock yarn in Veilchen.
* One winner will receive a hank of Sanguine Gryphon Skinny Bugga, colorway Cuban Cockroach.
The amazing and generous Caro has donated a box bag from her shop, Splityarn.
* One winner will be able to pick a box bag – print of the winner’s choosing. (I’m partial to the spiderpig box bag myself.
With so much yarn to be won, there can’t just be one bag, right? Jen from YarnPlayCafe has donated to the cause as well.
* One winner can pick a tote bag (exact kind to be specified soon!) from her shop.
The incomparable Kirsten Kapur of Through the Loops fame has generously offered up her designs.
* Three winners will each receive gift certificates to the Through The Loops pattern store, good for three patterns each.
The inspiring, phenomenally talented force behind Cauchy Complete has created a wonderful mini-quilt.
* One winner will receive a handmade mini-quilt.
Remember Elspeth at the top of this list? Her mother, an accomplished beader, has graciously contributed.
* One winner will receive the handmade, double-strand labradorite necklace.
Here’s how to participate:
1. Go to Emily’s donation site at Give Forward.
2. Give an amount you feel comfortable with. With your donation, leave Emily a note of support. Let her know the knitters are cheering her on, or share an inspiring quote or a song lyric. Or just share the cheesiest joke you’ve heard lately – something to make her smile.
3. Come back here and leave a comment with your donation amount. For every $10 you donate, you will receive one entry into the raffle. If you donate at least $20 and mention this fundraiser on your blog, public twitter account, or flickr, you’ll get an extra entry. (Make sure you include the link where it’s mentioned.)
(3.5. Important! Make sure that your comment information includes how to reach you if you win! )
4. Comments will be accepted until Tuesday, March 29, at 11:59 p.m. Winners will be announced the next day.
(4.5 Fine print: Taxes are the responsibility of the winner. Winners who do not respond to their notification within 7 days will forfeit their winnings. International entries are okay but will be shipped at the cheapest rate.)
Finally, a note about giving: There is a lot of tragedy in the world today, and I recognize that everyone has many opportunities to give. This is not intended to detract from any fundraisers for other worthwhile causes. If you do choose to give to help Emily, your donation will go directly to help her fight against liver cancer. And for that: THANK YOU.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Home is wherever I'm with you.
This made me smile today. (Also, I want to learn to whistle like that!)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Ethiopia and adopting.
Apparently, Ethiopia is planning to reduce their international adoptions by 90%. There is a petition to keep it running and encouraging the Ethiopian government to reconsider.
The reason is solid - rampant corruption in the system. (Ethiopia is non-Hague, I believe, but I can't swear to it.) But according to the campaign, the response is disproportionate to the cause. I'm all for weeding out corruption (Russia, etc., I'm looking at you.) But to deny so many children a safe and loving home seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I'd love to see a world where all children are safe and sound and happy and loved, but until then, we need to all work together to eradicate corruption in the system while still providing a means for finding loving homes for these children.
Ethiopia was high on our list of adoptive countries. It still is, and while it's not an issue we'll come across for a few years, but I hope we still have the option when the time comes. If you think the cause is just, please sign the petition.
The reason is solid - rampant corruption in the system. (Ethiopia is non-Hague, I believe, but I can't swear to it.) But according to the campaign, the response is disproportionate to the cause. I'm all for weeding out corruption (Russia, etc., I'm looking at you.) But to deny so many children a safe and loving home seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I'd love to see a world where all children are safe and sound and happy and loved, but until then, we need to all work together to eradicate corruption in the system while still providing a means for finding loving homes for these children.
Ethiopia was high on our list of adoptive countries. It still is, and while it's not an issue we'll come across for a few years, but I hope we still have the option when the time comes. If you think the cause is just, please sign the petition.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Baby blogs I love: Dear Baby.
I found this blog by accident. Isn't that the way all the best things come in to your life? It was just after the miscarriage, and I was looking for a domain name for a little blog of my own to dump all of my heartbreak. I had the thought, before I got pregnant, that it would be great to have a little blog where I could write letters to our unborn child. I was drowning in sorrow at the time, and decided that I should go ahead and get it all out. Purging the sadness, as it were. So, as I was checking the Internet for domains called "Dear Baby", I found Melissa's sweet little blog.
Her style is so charming, her family is just gorgeous, and she has such a positive attitude that can't help but make you smile. She is also responsible for one of my new favorite Southernisms: "tougher than woodpecker lips". She also has tons of great tips on everything from decorating to adorable baby clothes to cloth diapering.
I hope you enjoy her blog as much as I do. She's a little ray of sunshine.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Counting the days.
For the past few years my life has revolved around counting the days. The days since I stopped taking birth control, the days since my last period, the days until my next, the days since Oliver died, the days since the miscarriage. And while I still have a running tally of those things in the back of my mind, it's not how I mark the passage of time any more. I still miss Oliver like crazy, and I sometimes have the passing thought that the baby I miscarried would be so many months old now, but for the most part, I'm counting forward.
Days until Allen's 30th birthday: 386
Days until we start our adoption paperwork: 85
Days until I can quit my job: 207
Number of Mandarin classes I have left: 5
Number of days I go to the gym per week: 2 (need to work on that one)
Number of days until I bid farewell to the fertility clinic: 0
There are lots of other day counters that I'm not putting in, lest you think my life revolves around infertility. Some days it does, but more often, it doesn't. I'm working on it. I imagine it will be a lot easier when we bring our first child home. I don't have a day counter for that soon, but I expect to soon.
Days until Allen's 30th birthday: 386
Days until we start our adoption paperwork: 85
Days until I can quit my job: 207
Number of Mandarin classes I have left: 5
Number of days I go to the gym per week: 2 (need to work on that one)
Number of days until I bid farewell to the fertility clinic: 0
There are lots of other day counters that I'm not putting in, lest you think my life revolves around infertility. Some days it does, but more often, it doesn't. I'm working on it. I imagine it will be a lot easier when we bring our first child home. I don't have a day counter for that soon, but I expect to soon.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
I get it now.
Now I know why my sister said she didn't make big decisions while pregnant and hormonal. Note to self: Clomid is a controlled substance. You should not make decisions while under its influence. You should also not call you bank and rail at them for 45 minutes while taking hormone medication. It's a bad idea.
Even if they are being completely unreasonable and stupid.
Even if they are being completely unreasonable and stupid.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Clomid, round 1: Fight!
We had a follow up with our fertility doc yesterday. She went over the numbers in a bit more detail, but basically, the slightly elevated FSH numbers is why we have had a tough time getting pregnant. (Or, rather, why I've had a tough time getting pregnant. I don't want to be the girl who says "we're pregnant!" It seems weird to me.)
Our doctor wants us to move fast. "Age is the best independent predictor of success!" She is fond of saying that. And I'm starting to feel like my ovaries are going to put on fedoras and grab old fashioned suitcases and exit my body with a tip of the hat and a "thank you, ma'am" on my 35th birthday. Our doctor wants to go straight for 3 months of "monitored" clomid cycles, then IVF. "Monitored" means you have an ultrasound and blood work on day 3 of your period. Then, barring any cysts on your ovaries, you take clomid (a strong dose) for 5 days, then another ultrasound - or more than one - to tell when your ovaries have produced enough follicles. Then you give yourself an injection to trigger ovulation and come in to the office two days later to be "inseminated". Then you wait 2 weeks and get a blood test to see if you are pregnant. Sounds fun, right? Right. (P.S. Self injection? Those words will never apply to this household. There. is. no. way.)
When that fails three times in a row, she wants us to go straight to IVF. Presumably because it has the best success rates - 50% or better per attempt. That's the other issue: I feel like she's setting us up for what happens when the current attempts fail. Why even bother with it if it's just going to fail? I mean, the rational part of me (very small at the point) knows she is trying to help us plan ahead and prep us for "next steps", but the irrational part (large and growing) feels like she is just trying to get us to IVF as quickly as possible. I don't think she's doing it for the money - though it's certainly expensive - but rather for the stats. If she can get me pregnant and move on to the next couple, they'll have another "win" for the office which increases their stature in the infertile community. Like I said, irrational.
Needless to say, I put the brakes on her super fast. I have misgivings about this whole thing anyway, so I'm certainly not jumping into invasive medical treatments. She "agreed" to let us do one cycle of clomid "unmonitored" - which means I take the medicine and we "time" accordingly, no blood work or ultrasounds or "triggers". Just us and a bit of "better living through chemistry", so to speak. She wants to then move to a month of monitored and timed and then by the third month, monitored and IUI (intra-uterine insemination). "Unmonitored" clomid cycles is what we'd likely be doing for six months through my OBGYN if all our tests had come back normal. But since we're already at the point where we need a fertility specialist, we're past the "unmonitored" stage.
We're going to try the month of unmonitored clomid. Depending on how that turns out, we might try the "monitored" version. But I don't think I have much more of this in me right now. I really, really, REALLY want to get started on adoption paperwork and I feel like this is holding me back right now. I almost wish we had never investigated this any further. That we had taken the results from my OBGYN, tucked them away for a while and moved on with adoption. I don't feel like I'm ready to close the door on biological children, but our doctor has really drilled it in to my head that we need to "get this done" before I turn 35. So I feel like if we don't do this now, we may never have another chance. I hate that feeling. I hate it.
I guess I'm going to have to give it until June if we're doing the Waiting Child program anyway, so I may as well travel this path to its logical conclusion. But honestly? I think we're there. I think this is the end of the line for me in terms of infertility treatments. It's making me crazy and I just. don't. want. to. anymore. I want to spend my emotional (and physical) capital on adoption. I'm not sure how to process the infertility stuff, in terms of what the future course will be, but I do know that it's a huge drain on my resources right now. We have so much other stuff going on, I need to lighten the load and move on.
Our doctor wants us to move fast. "Age is the best independent predictor of success!" She is fond of saying that. And I'm starting to feel like my ovaries are going to put on fedoras and grab old fashioned suitcases and exit my body with a tip of the hat and a "thank you, ma'am" on my 35th birthday. Our doctor wants to go straight for 3 months of "monitored" clomid cycles, then IVF. "Monitored" means you have an ultrasound and blood work on day 3 of your period. Then, barring any cysts on your ovaries, you take clomid (a strong dose) for 5 days, then another ultrasound - or more than one - to tell when your ovaries have produced enough follicles. Then you give yourself an injection to trigger ovulation and come in to the office two days later to be "inseminated". Then you wait 2 weeks and get a blood test to see if you are pregnant. Sounds fun, right? Right. (P.S. Self injection? Those words will never apply to this household. There. is. no. way.)
When that fails three times in a row, she wants us to go straight to IVF. Presumably because it has the best success rates - 50% or better per attempt. That's the other issue: I feel like she's setting us up for what happens when the current attempts fail. Why even bother with it if it's just going to fail? I mean, the rational part of me (very small at the point) knows she is trying to help us plan ahead and prep us for "next steps", but the irrational part (large and growing) feels like she is just trying to get us to IVF as quickly as possible. I don't think she's doing it for the money - though it's certainly expensive - but rather for the stats. If she can get me pregnant and move on to the next couple, they'll have another "win" for the office which increases their stature in the infertile community. Like I said, irrational.
Needless to say, I put the brakes on her super fast. I have misgivings about this whole thing anyway, so I'm certainly not jumping into invasive medical treatments. She "agreed" to let us do one cycle of clomid "unmonitored" - which means I take the medicine and we "time" accordingly, no blood work or ultrasounds or "triggers". Just us and a bit of "better living through chemistry", so to speak. She wants to then move to a month of monitored and timed and then by the third month, monitored and IUI (intra-uterine insemination). "Unmonitored" clomid cycles is what we'd likely be doing for six months through my OBGYN if all our tests had come back normal. But since we're already at the point where we need a fertility specialist, we're past the "unmonitored" stage.
We're going to try the month of unmonitored clomid. Depending on how that turns out, we might try the "monitored" version. But I don't think I have much more of this in me right now. I really, really, REALLY want to get started on adoption paperwork and I feel like this is holding me back right now. I almost wish we had never investigated this any further. That we had taken the results from my OBGYN, tucked them away for a while and moved on with adoption. I don't feel like I'm ready to close the door on biological children, but our doctor has really drilled it in to my head that we need to "get this done" before I turn 35. So I feel like if we don't do this now, we may never have another chance. I hate that feeling. I hate it.
I guess I'm going to have to give it until June if we're doing the Waiting Child program anyway, so I may as well travel this path to its logical conclusion. But honestly? I think we're there. I think this is the end of the line for me in terms of infertility treatments. It's making me crazy and I just. don't. want. to. anymore. I want to spend my emotional (and physical) capital on adoption. I'm not sure how to process the infertility stuff, in terms of what the future course will be, but I do know that it's a huge drain on my resources right now. We have so much other stuff going on, I need to lighten the load and move on.
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