"Getting to that age..."

This qualifies as one of the worst statements to make to a woman.

Luckily, my oldest friend was the one who said it, so I know she meant it as a preventative statement and not as a "you're getting old" statement.

There are so many things I find unfair about aging. None of this is new - I think all women find these things unfair. The sagging of once perky appendages, the graying of hairs, the slowing metabolism, the fact that men get "distinguished" with age while women just get old. One of the most ridiculous things, I think, is the fact that I still break out like a teenager. My mother said this once when I was younger, and I didn't really get it until recently: "If you think breaking out sucks, trying getting pimples and wrinkles at the same time. That's unfair." Amen, Mama. Amen.

I am now officially up to 5 known gray hairs. Not that you'll ever see them on my head. I rip those little interlopers right out as soon as they are visible. And I search through my hair nightly like a monkey looking for fleas to find them before they get too long. When there are too many to pull out without leaving a bald spot? Hello, hair dye. My old friend.

The weird thing is, I have no idea how I got to this age. Yes, yes. I know. Passage of time, etc. What I mean is, I feel like is was just last week that I was 22 and now, here I am, 34. I feel like so much of my life happened while I wasn't paying attention. I strive - as we all do, I'm sure - to not take my life for granted. To revel in each precious moment and not get bogged down by the stupidity or pettiness. But I am an imperfect being, and I think I rarely live up to my potential. I'm not really sure how to remedy that. Am I living to my fullest potential with my current job? (No.) If I quit and become a stay-at-home-wife-and-mother, is that my fullest potential? (Maybe.) If I talk Allen into chucking it all and traveling the world, volunteering for various causes and experiencing as much as we can of what the world has to offer? (Maybe, but it'll never happen. Plus, I am not overly fond of witnessing human suffering.)

As we get closer and closer to adopting, and I get closer and closer to my now-dreaded birthday, my mind goes into overdrive. I have so many fears about raising a child, but I think I just need to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that I'm going to do my best. Which is all anyone can do. And if my best isn't good enough? Well, thankfully, I married someone better than me.