This blog is public. No password required to read my rambling thoughts on whatever I choose to put here. I rarely post photos of myself (or anyone/thing else for that matter). I realize I'm walking a very strange and fine line. I want privacy while inviting public scrutiny. I'm flattering myself a bit, as I'm certainly not famous, or even "Internet famous". This blog doesn't have a huge following or readership, probably because I don't put up pictures, realistically speaking. But I've used both my and my husband's real names, and our rough geographical location.
So here's the thing. I'm due any day now. And I'm struggling a bit with how much to reveal on the blog and on other public forums, like Facebook, about the birth of our son. Allen and I both have large digital dossiers already - we have Facebook and Twitter accounts, email accounts, and have been put up on various websites like our grad school site. We both can be easily Googled, as it were. (In fact, an old friend from high school found me through a Google image search, before I ever had a Facebook account.) But our son is a blank slate. And quite honestly, I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible.
While I genuinely love "mommy" blogs, I spend a lot of time inwardly cringing at some of the stories parents are willing to put up about their children (potty training, for example), and while the majority of people (like me) love seeing adorable photos of their children online, there are also so many opportunities for abuse. The Internet has no police, after all. Again, I know this is a fine distinction. Parents have been telling embarrassing stories and showing photos of their kids for as long as there have been parents and kids, but now, on the Internet, there is a more or less permanent record. I'd really like my son to decide what is part of his permanent record, rather than making the choice for him and hoping he isn't mortified by it later. Or, God forbid, victimized by it. (That's my worst nightmare.)
I'm not really sure what's going to happen with this blog after he's born. Will I use his real name or keep calling him Butterbean? Will I discuss him at all? Will I share his birth story? On the one hand, his birth story is more my story than his, but it's such an intimate thing. And he is necessarily part of it. It's entirely conceivable that I'll give up the blog after he's born. It started as a way to keep friends and family updated about our family's growth - through adoption and/or childbirth - but now that it comes down to the wire, I find myself a bit squeamish about sharing.
So, long story short, I'm not sure what's going to happen from here on out. I can say this, though: I will most likely not be posting anything about his birth on Facebook. If you are my "friend" on Facebook and you'd like to know when he gets here, I'd be happy to email you privately, just give me a non-Facebook address. (I realize this is another fine-line type distinction, but it feels more private.) I obviously can't control what other people put online, and I accept that. My only request, as it were, is that people don't post photos of him online. But again, I know I can't control that, nor would I try.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe I'll be so glad I went down this path early. Who knows? And I might change my mind. Whatever happens, thanks for coming on the journey with us this far.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Nope, not yet.
My Nana was really, really hoping I'd be in labor right now and have a Valentine's baby, but all signs point to not yet! He's still baking in there. And I'm not technically due until Friday so it was a long shot anyway. Sorry, Nana! I'll try harder next time? ;-)
I know I've posted links to this blog before, but you seriously need to go check out Melissa's blog, Dear Baby, today. Not only does she have adorable babies, but she dressed her baby boy, Arlo, up as Cupid today and I almost died from the cute! I'm not kidding. He is probably the cutest thing I have seen in a long time, and I see pictures of babies and kittens all the time in my Internet travels. Just sayin'. In fact, I'm having fantasies about my own little Cherub next year... Now to find baby sized angel wings...
I know I've posted links to this blog before, but you seriously need to go check out Melissa's blog, Dear Baby, today. Not only does she have adorable babies, but she dressed her baby boy, Arlo, up as Cupid today and I almost died from the cute! I'm not kidding. He is probably the cutest thing I have seen in a long time, and I see pictures of babies and kittens all the time in my Internet travels. Just sayin'. In fact, I'm having fantasies about my own little Cherub next year... Now to find baby sized angel wings...
Sunday, February 12, 2012
My OB said what?!
I don't know if you guys have seen this website, My OB said what?!, but it's great. It catalogs all the ridiculous things that women's health care "professionals" say to pregnant women (and women in general). The sad thing is that these are actual things said to women. How are we supposed to winnow out the truth about pregnancy and childbirth when we are fed crap by supposed experts? I don't want to go on (another) rant, so I'll just leave it as an exercise for the reader to click the link and read some of the outrageous things women have been told by their doctors, and sadly, by midwives too.
And, as a special bonus, my experience with my OB is being featured! I feel slightly Internet famous! :-)
Caveat emptor: you will spend a lot of time outraged at what you read on this site. I have to read it in small doses to avoid outrage overload. You have been warned! (But honestly, you should get mad!)
And, as a special bonus, my experience with my OB is being featured! I feel slightly Internet famous! :-)
Caveat emptor: you will spend a lot of time outraged at what you read on this site. I have to read it in small doses to avoid outrage overload. You have been warned! (But honestly, you should get mad!)
Thursday, February 9, 2012
I totally freaking did it!
Well, kind of... I don't want to jinx myself by being congratulatory too early, but I'm pretty proud of my accomplishment.
I am 39 weeks pregnant, and I have gained 37 pounds.
Okay, so it doesn't sound all that great typed out like that, but seriously guys, you have no idea how huge this is for me. I was already pretty overweight when I got pregnant. And I was terrified that I would be one of those women who gains 75 pounds during her pregnancy. I know women who have done that, and while most of them seemed to bounce back okay, I just didn't want to go there. I already have some significant non-baby weight to lose, and I didn't want to compound the problem. Not to mention possible complications and the general unpleasantness that comes from being super pregnant and obese.
My main goals were to gain weight at a healthy, reasonable pace and to gain a healthy, reasonable amount. Generally speaking, women should gain around 25-35 pounds during pregnancy (give or take). On the higher end if you start out underweight, on the lower end if you start out overweight. The midwives all said to gain around 30-35, and I am really proud of myself for gaining the "right" amount and not getting crazy out of control.
Food and I are very good friends, you see. And I have been eating everything in sight for the past nine months. But I tried really hard to be reasonable with portion sizes, lay off carbs and sugar and eat really varied and healthy foods. And I totally freaking did it, you guys! Woo!
(Well, the carbs get away from me sometimes...)
I am 39 weeks pregnant, and I have gained 37 pounds.
Okay, so it doesn't sound all that great typed out like that, but seriously guys, you have no idea how huge this is for me. I was already pretty overweight when I got pregnant. And I was terrified that I would be one of those women who gains 75 pounds during her pregnancy. I know women who have done that, and while most of them seemed to bounce back okay, I just didn't want to go there. I already have some significant non-baby weight to lose, and I didn't want to compound the problem. Not to mention possible complications and the general unpleasantness that comes from being super pregnant and obese.
My main goals were to gain weight at a healthy, reasonable pace and to gain a healthy, reasonable amount. Generally speaking, women should gain around 25-35 pounds during pregnancy (give or take). On the higher end if you start out underweight, on the lower end if you start out overweight. The midwives all said to gain around 30-35, and I am really proud of myself for gaining the "right" amount and not getting crazy out of control.
Food and I are very good friends, you see. And I have been eating everything in sight for the past nine months. But I tried really hard to be reasonable with portion sizes, lay off carbs and sugar and eat really varied and healthy foods. And I totally freaking did it, you guys! Woo!
(Well, the carbs get away from me sometimes...)
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
A love letter.
I do a fair bit of railing about the c-section rate in this country. And after yesterday's post about unnecessary (and useless) "diagnostics", I felt like I should clarify a thing or two...
My ranting about childbirth in the US is directed solely and only at the medical community and the establishment that takes advantage of women at a vulnerable time. I do not think that women who have c-sections (or epidurals or pitocin or whatever else) are weak or somehow "less" woman because of the way their babies came into the world. The goal for all should be a healthy, happy baby and Mom. I know many women who have had c-sections and other interventions, and I am so grateful those technologies were available to them. Maybe it wasn't the birth experience they wanted, but at the end of the day, regardless of how their babies got here, they are all thriving now.
What upsets me is not that we have these tools available. What upsets me is that many (if not most) OB/GYNs perpetuate falsehoods about childbirth and scare women into unnecessary interventions. Many women don't even know there is another way because the first person they see about their pregnancy, their OB, starts them down a path that leads to the hospital. How you choose to have your baby is a deeply personal and intimate choice, much like parenting itself. But how can any of us be expected to make informed decisions when we are given false information from the outset? What pisses me off the most is that doctors have the ultimate trump card: "Your baby could die." I can't tell you how many times I have heard that phrase, verbatim, during my pregnancy. Basically, any time I had the audacity to ask a question about some "established" medical procedure as it pertained to me or my baby. The message is clear: if you question the medical status quo, you are putting your life and your baby's life in danger. Guess what? That is an outright lie.
Look, there are risks to having babies. I get that. But if it was really so dangerous that every women needed to be in the hospital to survive, the human species would have died out long ago. And I realize that we have a much lower infant and maternal mortality rate than, say, 200 years ago, but we (the US) also has the worst rates of any first world country. What does that tell you about our model of care?
I got a bit off track... My point is: I'm not upset at women for being part of the system. I'm mad at the system. I wish everyone could have the birth experience they want, but the fact that we even have to discuss what kind of birth experience we want is part of the problem. And I know things go wrong. And in those cases, I am deeply grateful for the medical technologies we have in place. I just get mad when they are used routinely rather than as they are intended.
So to all women, Mamas, Mamas-to-be, any woman who has ever felt taken advantage of by the medical system, I leave you with this article: A Love Letter to C-Section Moms. There can be no change if we are fighting each other instead of fighting the real culprit. Much love to you all.
My ranting about childbirth in the US is directed solely and only at the medical community and the establishment that takes advantage of women at a vulnerable time. I do not think that women who have c-sections (or epidurals or pitocin or whatever else) are weak or somehow "less" woman because of the way their babies came into the world. The goal for all should be a healthy, happy baby and Mom. I know many women who have had c-sections and other interventions, and I am so grateful those technologies were available to them. Maybe it wasn't the birth experience they wanted, but at the end of the day, regardless of how their babies got here, they are all thriving now.
What upsets me is not that we have these tools available. What upsets me is that many (if not most) OB/GYNs perpetuate falsehoods about childbirth and scare women into unnecessary interventions. Many women don't even know there is another way because the first person they see about their pregnancy, their OB, starts them down a path that leads to the hospital. How you choose to have your baby is a deeply personal and intimate choice, much like parenting itself. But how can any of us be expected to make informed decisions when we are given false information from the outset? What pisses me off the most is that doctors have the ultimate trump card: "Your baby could die." I can't tell you how many times I have heard that phrase, verbatim, during my pregnancy. Basically, any time I had the audacity to ask a question about some "established" medical procedure as it pertained to me or my baby. The message is clear: if you question the medical status quo, you are putting your life and your baby's life in danger. Guess what? That is an outright lie.
Look, there are risks to having babies. I get that. But if it was really so dangerous that every women needed to be in the hospital to survive, the human species would have died out long ago. And I realize that we have a much lower infant and maternal mortality rate than, say, 200 years ago, but we (the US) also has the worst rates of any first world country. What does that tell you about our model of care?
I got a bit off track... My point is: I'm not upset at women for being part of the system. I'm mad at the system. I wish everyone could have the birth experience they want, but the fact that we even have to discuss what kind of birth experience we want is part of the problem. And I know things go wrong. And in those cases, I am deeply grateful for the medical technologies we have in place. I just get mad when they are used routinely rather than as they are intended.
So to all women, Mamas, Mamas-to-be, any woman who has ever felt taken advantage of by the medical system, I leave you with this article: A Love Letter to C-Section Moms. There can be no change if we are fighting each other instead of fighting the real culprit. Much love to you all.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Overdue babies and the AFI.
Statistically speaking, first babies are generally late. Usually by about a week. Also, statistically speaking, the placenta stops functioning at full capacity around 42 weeks, so midwives and OBs all agree that babies should be born not much later than 42 weeks to decrease the risk of serious complications and stillbirths. Totally reasonable and supported by fact.
A common diagnostic in pregnancy is the amniotic fluid index (AFI). I've mentioned this before, but the AFI is crap. I have very strong feelings about the AFI, as I'm sure you can tell. At best, it's wildly inaccurate. The ultrasound tech is trying to estimate how much amniotic fluid is present in the womb. Basically, they are trying to measure fluid volume in an irregular space that is mostly taken up by a body of unknown mass when they can't see the entire space. It's ridiculous. I mostly feel like it's yet another tool designed to scare women into unnecessary medical interventions. And two different techs will give you two different numbers. You can even ask the same tech to re-measure and get a different number! So why on earth are we using this?
More importantly, why on earth are the midwives requesting that I (and anyone else who is overdue) get an AFI check at 41 weeks?? I intended to have one ultrasound during my pregnancy. One. The 20 week anatomy scan to find out gender and make sure there was nothing funky going on to disqualify me from an out-of-hospital birth. I have had three. Unless there is an extremely compelling reason to have a fourth, I am refusing the 41 week AFI. The only reason I could see doing it is if the midwives told me they would transfer me to the hospital for the birth without it. And even then I'd probably refuse because I won't be bullied into something I know is, at best, unhelpful.
After a discussion with one of the midwives today, it seems that the reason they request the 41 week AFI is mainly to placate the doctors they have as back up for their practice. They request this essentially meaningless diagnostic so that they can maintain relationships with doctors for emergency cases. I guess I understand that logic. I mean, midwives are balancing on a very precarious edge with the way hospitals and doctors and insurance companies have overtaken the healthcare system and model of care for childbirth. But given that no one could given me a compelling reason to get it done, I'm refusing. This is informed consent. They want me to have an AFI done for unnecessary and irrelevant reasons, I know what the AFI is capable of and what it isn't capable of, and I'm not overdue yet. So until such time as new information becomes available, I'm going to pass.
I wish more women felt empowered to take control of their healthcare...
A common diagnostic in pregnancy is the amniotic fluid index (AFI). I've mentioned this before, but the AFI is crap. I have very strong feelings about the AFI, as I'm sure you can tell. At best, it's wildly inaccurate. The ultrasound tech is trying to estimate how much amniotic fluid is present in the womb. Basically, they are trying to measure fluid volume in an irregular space that is mostly taken up by a body of unknown mass when they can't see the entire space. It's ridiculous. I mostly feel like it's yet another tool designed to scare women into unnecessary medical interventions. And two different techs will give you two different numbers. You can even ask the same tech to re-measure and get a different number! So why on earth are we using this?
More importantly, why on earth are the midwives requesting that I (and anyone else who is overdue) get an AFI check at 41 weeks?? I intended to have one ultrasound during my pregnancy. One. The 20 week anatomy scan to find out gender and make sure there was nothing funky going on to disqualify me from an out-of-hospital birth. I have had three. Unless there is an extremely compelling reason to have a fourth, I am refusing the 41 week AFI. The only reason I could see doing it is if the midwives told me they would transfer me to the hospital for the birth without it. And even then I'd probably refuse because I won't be bullied into something I know is, at best, unhelpful.
After a discussion with one of the midwives today, it seems that the reason they request the 41 week AFI is mainly to placate the doctors they have as back up for their practice. They request this essentially meaningless diagnostic so that they can maintain relationships with doctors for emergency cases. I guess I understand that logic. I mean, midwives are balancing on a very precarious edge with the way hospitals and doctors and insurance companies have overtaken the healthcare system and model of care for childbirth. But given that no one could given me a compelling reason to get it done, I'm refusing. This is informed consent. They want me to have an AFI done for unnecessary and irrelevant reasons, I know what the AFI is capable of and what it isn't capable of, and I'm not overdue yet. So until such time as new information becomes available, I'm going to pass.
I wish more women felt empowered to take control of their healthcare...
Monday, February 6, 2012
Neglect and nesting.
So, hi! It's been a few weeks, huh? Now that I am super pregnant - or late-stage pregnant if you want to get technical - I am in full on nesting mode. Clean all the things! Sadly, the blog has taken a back seat to finishing up all the things that need to get finished before Butterbean's debut.
The good news? The nursery is finally clean! We still don't have a crib, but hey, it's at least starting to look like a nursery. (Plus, he doesn't really need a crib for a few months anyway, so we have time.) All the baby clothes are washed and put away (that kid has more clothes than me and Allen combined, by the way...), the diaper changing station is ready to go, the bassinet is set up, the rockers and bouncers and swings are set up, and the car seat is installed! I know! It's kind of amazing! I'm starting to feel like we're almost prepared if I go into labor now. We're even starting to stock up on labor food and make plans for visits and such.
The thing is, I'm feeling a little unsure about the end of the pregnancy. On the one hand, it will be nice to see my feet again (and have them not be swollen all the freaking time), but on the other hand, I love being pregnant. I'm a tad, dare I say, trepidatious about meeting our little guy. I know how to be pregnant. I know how to take care of myself and the Bean, how to eat healthy, how to exist in this swollen body. But I know absolutely nothing about being a parent. I have been pregnant since late last May, so in many ways, it feels like this is just my new state of being - that I will be like this forever, with the huge belly and the kicks and being hungry all the time. But the reality is that in a few short weeks - two of them, give or take - I will no longer be pregnant and Allen and I will be actual, factual parents. It's a little terrifying.
Also, I'm not really looking forward to labor.
I'm getting more excited to meet little guy every day, but I'm still feeling not-quite-ready. I keep thinking this will change. I've never heard a pregnant woman say at 40 weeks, "Gee, I wish I could stay pregnant a while longer." So I'm assuming I'll hit that stage, too. But I'm at 38.5 weeks right now and not quite there yet. Though, this is really just academic. If I went into labor right now, I'd be thrilled. It's not like I'd mourn that my pregnancy got cut short.
So, this post is a little rambley, but I needed to get my feet back in the blogging pool. Things will likely be sparse again once Butterbean arrives, but until then, I'll try to be a bit more regular with my posts!
The good news? The nursery is finally clean! We still don't have a crib, but hey, it's at least starting to look like a nursery. (Plus, he doesn't really need a crib for a few months anyway, so we have time.) All the baby clothes are washed and put away (that kid has more clothes than me and Allen combined, by the way...), the diaper changing station is ready to go, the bassinet is set up, the rockers and bouncers and swings are set up, and the car seat is installed! I know! It's kind of amazing! I'm starting to feel like we're almost prepared if I go into labor now. We're even starting to stock up on labor food and make plans for visits and such.
The thing is, I'm feeling a little unsure about the end of the pregnancy. On the one hand, it will be nice to see my feet again (and have them not be swollen all the freaking time), but on the other hand, I love being pregnant. I'm a tad, dare I say, trepidatious about meeting our little guy. I know how to be pregnant. I know how to take care of myself and the Bean, how to eat healthy, how to exist in this swollen body. But I know absolutely nothing about being a parent. I have been pregnant since late last May, so in many ways, it feels like this is just my new state of being - that I will be like this forever, with the huge belly and the kicks and being hungry all the time. But the reality is that in a few short weeks - two of them, give or take - I will no longer be pregnant and Allen and I will be actual, factual parents. It's a little terrifying.
Also, I'm not really looking forward to labor.
I'm getting more excited to meet little guy every day, but I'm still feeling not-quite-ready. I keep thinking this will change. I've never heard a pregnant woman say at 40 weeks, "Gee, I wish I could stay pregnant a while longer." So I'm assuming I'll hit that stage, too. But I'm at 38.5 weeks right now and not quite there yet. Though, this is really just academic. If I went into labor right now, I'd be thrilled. It's not like I'd mourn that my pregnancy got cut short.
So, this post is a little rambley, but I needed to get my feet back in the blogging pool. Things will likely be sparse again once Butterbean arrives, but until then, I'll try to be a bit more regular with my posts!
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