This blog is public. No password required to read my rambling thoughts on whatever I choose to put here. I rarely post photos of myself (or anyone/thing else for that matter). I realize I'm walking a very strange and fine line. I want privacy while inviting public scrutiny. I'm flattering myself a bit, as I'm certainly not famous, or even "Internet famous". This blog doesn't have a huge following or readership, probably because I don't put up pictures, realistically speaking. But I've used both my and my husband's real names, and our rough geographical location.
So here's the thing. I'm due any day now. And I'm struggling a bit with how much to reveal on the blog and on other public forums, like Facebook, about the birth of our son. Allen and I both have large digital dossiers already - we have Facebook and Twitter accounts, email accounts, and have been put up on various websites like our grad school site. We both can be easily Googled, as it were. (In fact, an old friend from high school found me through a Google image search, before I ever had a Facebook account.) But our son is a blank slate. And quite honestly, I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible.
While I genuinely love "mommy" blogs, I spend a lot of time inwardly cringing at some of the stories parents are willing to put up about their children (potty training, for example), and while the majority of people (like me) love seeing adorable photos of their children online, there are also so many opportunities for abuse. The Internet has no police, after all. Again, I know this is a fine distinction. Parents have been telling embarrassing stories and showing photos of their kids for as long as there have been parents and kids, but now, on the Internet, there is a more or less permanent record. I'd really like my son to decide what is part of his permanent record, rather than making the choice for him and hoping he isn't mortified by it later. Or, God forbid, victimized by it. (That's my worst nightmare.)
I'm not really sure what's going to happen with this blog after he's born. Will I use his real name or keep calling him Butterbean? Will I discuss him at all? Will I share his birth story? On the one hand, his birth story is more my story than his, but it's such an intimate thing. And he is necessarily part of it. It's entirely conceivable that I'll give up the blog after he's born. It started as a way to keep friends and family updated about our family's growth - through adoption and/or childbirth - but now that it comes down to the wire, I find myself a bit squeamish about sharing.
So, long story short, I'm not sure what's going to happen from here on out. I can say this, though: I will most likely not be posting anything about his birth on Facebook. If you are my "friend" on Facebook and you'd like to know when he gets here, I'd be happy to email you privately, just give me a non-Facebook address. (I realize this is another fine-line type distinction, but it feels more private.) I obviously can't control what other people put online, and I accept that. My only request, as it were, is that people don't post photos of him online. But again, I know I can't control that, nor would I try.
Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, or maybe I'll be so glad I went down this path early. Who knows? And I might change my mind. Whatever happens, thanks for coming on the journey with us this far.
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