It's funny what people will tell you about adoption.

The interesting thing about adoption is strangers will tell you the story of their friend/co-worker/cousin/insert-acquaintance-here who adopted. Normally this is great because you realize how prevalent and wonderful this is and how, even though you are at the beginning of a lot of paperwork, there is a wonderful outcome waiting for you on the other side. However, occasionally you hear disturbing stories - like the person who had to give back their adopted child or whatever.

Fast forward to today where I'm pretty sure a woman just told me about her friend buying a baby from Russia.

:: Blink, blink ::

"All they wanted was $100 US and some souvenirs from Washington, D.C.!" That, my friends, is troubling. Very troubling. Reason number 37,981 why I will not be adopting from Russia. I'm sorry, Russia. I'm sure you are a lovely country, but it just won't work out between us.

I can't tell you the number of times someone has said, "Just wait! As soon as you fill out that paperwork, you'll get pregnant!" While we would (obviously) welcome that scenario, these kinds of statements are just fundamentally unhelpful. I try not to get outright offended by them, because I know they are not meant maliciously, but there are a few underlying assumptions to these statements that I feel like I should address.

First: we are choosing to adopt. Not because we have to. Not because we have no other biological alternatives. Not because we think that filling out paperwork will magically lead to pregnancy. Adoption is not some kind of magic anti-birth control, and anyone who would treat it as such will fail their home study. We want to open our homes and hearts to a child, and there are plenty in the world who need love and good homes. It's as simple as that.

Second: Anyone who has had fertility issues will tell you that spouting "grandmother's wisdom" is not only insulting, it can be downright hurtful. Again, this is not to malign anyone. We are being a bit private about the nature and extent of our troubles, so I don't want to go too far into this topic, but please believe me when I tell you, we have done our homework! We know the potential causes and fixes of our issues, and saying "just relax" or "it'll happen when you least expect it!" either, at best, unwittingly gets my hopes up each month (which is not fun to deal with), or, at worst, displays a serious lack of social grace. We are certainly not precluding biological children. But we aren't putting all of our energy into that avenue any  more. It's emotionally exhausting and not productive right now.

I have heard these types of statements from literally everyone imaginable - from well meaning friends to my own doctor! (Yes, really.) On good days I can laugh it off as well meant if fumbling. On bad days it makes me cry. Thankfully, there aren't that many bad days. It's kind of amazing to me how such a simple biological task - reproducing the species - can so quickly become an emotional quagmire. That's another strong reason to adopt, it shifts your focus and turns the whole thing back into what it should be from the start: an incredible act of love.