The six adoption criteria.

I'll get in to the particulars of the Datz agency in the next post, but I wanted to touch on this topic first.

The info session was run by the director of the foundation and the person who runs the Russian and Haitian programs for the agency. He started the meeting with a list of what Datz considers to be the six adoption criteria or considerations. I'll run through them because while we have heard similar things from other agencies, this is the first time I've heard it laid out so concisely.

1. Appearance.
How important is it to you to have a child that looks like you? If you adopt a child of a different race, will you be offended by strangers asking you questions? How important this first criteria is will inform your decision of adoption location. If you really want a child that looks like you and you are white, you are going to look at Russia or possibly the U.S. for adoptions. If it doesn't matter, you can look anywhere.

2. Background Information.
How much do you want or need to know about the child's background? Even in the most intimate private adoptions, you aren't going to know everything about your child's background. How much family medical history do you want? How much do you want to know about where the biological family came from or how many cousins, possible siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.? In the U.S., you can run the gamut for how much information you get about the birth parents. It's really dependent on how much the birth parents are willing (or able) to divulge. In a country like China, in almost all cases, you will have no knowledge of who the parents are. Most of these babies are abandoned (because of draconian Chinese child-bearing laws, but that's another post) in places where they will be quickly found, but other than where they are found and what clothes they were wearing at the time, you have no information about their biological beginnings. However, Chinese orphanages keep very detailed medical records. So you will know about how many colds your child has had, any abnormalities (medically speaking), things of that nature. Russia has spotty (at best) medical records, and frequently there are exaggerated or completely fabricated details. In Ethiopia, you will frequently get to meet the birth mother (or parents), which is unusual in the International adoption community. So how much information you want will be a big factor in where you adopt from.

3. Age.
A frequent saying you hear in adoption is "as young as possible". If you want to adopt a baby, it is easier to do domestically, because frequently, babies will come to your home directly from the hospital. Babies are also available internationally, but they are older babies, say 18 months, give or take. Older children are available in all open adoption countries, including the U.S., so if you are interested in an older child, that is generally the absolute easiest way to go.

4. Gender.
Is it important to you? Apparently - and this statistic has been repeated frequently - the majority of adoptive families, around 90% or more, express a preference for adopting girls. I'm not sure the reason for this, and one social worker challenged us to discuss it at home and really explore it, but if you are set on one sex over the other, you could choose your adoption locale based on that. (Generally speaking, setting a preference in stone could mean a longer wait time.)

5. Wait.
How long are you willing to wait for your adoption to go through? Do you want to go through a domestic "lottery" type system or an international "queue" system? The estimates given by agencies are 1-1.5 years for domestic, 1-4.5 years international. We met a woman who adopted from China and she said that realistically speaking, the wait time for a healthy, "normal" Chinese baby is 8 years. Eight years. There are a number of factors contributing to this - a lengthy paperwork system, more Chinese families adopting, a relaxation of the single child policy, etc. - but this is a significant length of time to wait to adopt a child.

6. Cost.
The fact of the matter is that adoptions cost money. You are not - I repeat NOT - paying for a child. You are paying for the infrastructure, legal fees and paperwork involved in adopting. Domestic adoptions tend to be less expensive than international adoptions, but realistically speaking, you can expect to spend anywhere from $3000 (for an adoption of an older child out of the foster system) domestically to $40,000 (or more!) internationally. These are not just administration fees, though. This also includes things like travel to and from the adoptive country and other ancillary expenses. There a lot of great adoption tax credits and things like that aimed at making adoption affordable for most families.

The short answer for us is that we are not really particular about most of these categories. We don't require a specific gender or racial background (I'm actually excited about the prospect of a multiracial family). Background information and medical histories would be nice, but if we don't have it, we're not going to be too upset about it. We'd prefer "as young as possible", and while we haven't had any specific discussions about it, I think we'd be willing to adopt a bit older - say toddler age or so - maybe up to age 4? We'll worry about that when we complete our home study. Cost is an issue, but we are lucky that it isn't a major deciding factor for us. I feel pretty confident that we can afford whichever path we choose, with the understanding that these fees are meted out over a period of time and not all paid at once. That may change - who knows what the future holds? But for now, cost is not our deciding factor. We will be doing a lot of discussing and soul searching in the next few weeks as we decide which agency to apply with and which path to take to adopting our child. I'll get into the specifics of the Datz Foundation in the next post, but we're definitely forming more of an opinion on the matter, and it's turning out very differently from what I expected. I will say though, for anyone ever considering adoption, put down the computer and go to an information meeting. It has been such a revelation for us, and a really great way to wade through the information overload that is a Google search for "adoption".

More to come!