What ifs.

They are so unproductive and yet, I find myself playing out crazy scenarios day after day. The most common is what if something happens to Allen and I am stuck all by myself with a baby to raise, a mortgage and a car payment, and my only recourse is a job I absolutely loathe? This has been a big thing with me lately. I have seriously been obsessing about "what if something bad happens to Allen". If he's late home from work, I start to worry that he got hit by some crazy commuter. "Will they know to call me?"

I've also been obsessing, just a ton teensy bit, about losing the baby. I had a miscarriage before, I have friends and friends of friends who had their babies way too early (so far, knock on wood, with positive outcomes), and know of several women who had late term miscarriages. I'm far enough along in my pregnancy that Butterbean is a reality to me now. My bulging belly (and crazy hormones) and the kicks I feel from inside remind me all the time. I think it's that I feel so wildly out of control. I'm doing everything I can to have a healthy pregnancy, but if something happens, there isn't anything I can do to prevent it. I know, logically, that control is an illusion. But that doesn't make it easier to give up.

So instead, I've been obsessing about worst-case scenarios. It's driving me insane, and is making it hard to focus and function. I need to find my way back to the place where I can concentrate on the things I can accomplish and let go of the things that are outside my sphere of influence. Anyone have any ideas on how to do that?

Oh, right. I remember now. "Don't anticipate". Easier said than done!